Social Aspects of Being Vegan and Staying Vegan
Food is about more than biological survival. It is an essential component of society and culture. Changes you make in your life tend to create ripples and waves, and dietary changes are often felt more personally because of the close, nurturing relationship food tends to engender. That’s why it’s important to seek out supportive people within your circles or in new circles who can help ease the frustrations of advocating a minority position. You can garner more support from those around you simply by having a positive attitude and effective communication skills. Here are a few tips to help you cultivate a healthy social garden and to guide you through any social brambles which may appear on your path.
Being a Joyful Vegan
As a vegan, you are an ambassador for the entire vegan movement. Sound like a lofty position? Well, it’s actually one which calls for a very down-to-earth attitude. It requires striking a balance: upholding your own ethical principles and values and being respectful of others. A majority of vegans started eating a plant-based diet later in life and so have also been in a similar position to those non-vegans who they might be tempted to condemn. We all derive advantages, throughout our lives, from the way our entire society has enlisted other animals for human use. No matter how far long we’ve come in our ethical journey, we are still learning new ways to respect other humans, nonhuman animals and our environment. We aren’t perfect. We are striving, and we are offering to share our experiences with others.
Learning how to explain your dietary commitment to others in an open, respectful manner is an important skill that will help other people in your life adapt to your new eating habits. Since many social events involve food, you will inevitably encounter situations where your diet becomes the topic of conversation, curiosity, contention or confusion.
The simple act of eating different food from the rest of the gathering table can bring up feelings of discomfort. This does not mean that you need to alter your dietary choices for the sake of others. If it is a concern for you that those around you feel at ease with your vegan diet, you can use your effective communication to bridge the perceived gap they are experiencing. People may show their discomfort in various ways. Some may judge you, others may interrogate or criticize you, still others may apologize for your behaviour in an effort to ‘smooth things over’ for the rest of the table. Because food provides such a fundamental social connection, some people will experience changes in the way you eat as an unexpected challenge to the relationship you share.
Extending a respectful attitude towards others can help move them towards a place of greater understanding … about you, your diet, and even their own emotions. Here are some tips on how to be an effective vegan ambassador.
- Live by example. Live your life in a way which honors your values and demonstrates balance and integrity. When others see you living your life in such a positive way, it will do more to move them than a million sermons on veganism ever could.
- Be respectful. Be yourself, but always treat others with respect. Part of this is honesty. It’s perfectly fine to tell people why you are vegan without trying to “sell” the idea. If you are both sensitive and sensible, the value of your ideas will come across in time.
- Be assertive. While maintaining respect for others, you also need to maintain assertiveness for yourself. Stating what you want, even when it conflicts with others’ desires, does not mean you are uncompassionate or selfish. It is an important part of getting your needs met and it can actually make others feel more comfortable because they are clear about where you stand.
- Be courteous. Yes, it is your right not to eat animal products - and you can adhere to your right in a way which does not offend others. Be firm and also polite when faced with requests or invitations to eat or do something which goes against your values. People often take ‘no’ as a rejection; yet when tempered with a courteous explanation or thank you, people accept it more graciously.
- Share. Share your food. Share your stories. Share your struggles. Share your imperfections. Doing so will show your warmth and your humanness and make it easier for others to connect with you.
- Learn how to cook vegetables, grains and a whole variety of foods. Get beyond taking something out of a package. The more you know about preparing foods, the more versatile you’ll become, at potlucks, celebrations, school parties, workplace lunches, and quiet dinners at home. You’ll soon find people asking for your recipes and reciprocating!
- Point out what you see. You’ve noticed your uncle aggressively aiming snide remarks at you: “What are you gonna eat at the Superbowl party next week? Don’t expect me to be chopping carrots!” “You’re going to lose all your muscle - what kind of woman is going to be attracted to a wimpy vegan?” “Animals were made to be eaten, otherwise they wouldn’t taste so good.” You feel attacked and want to defend yourself and your values. A better approach might be to just state the obvious: “Uncle Sam, I notice you’re asking me a lot of questions and I’m wondering if you have concerns about my decision to go vegan?” This opens the dialogue in an honest and direct way and allows Sam to state more openly what his fears are. It then provides you an opportunity to address those fears in a non-defensive way.
- Become well informed. Increasing your knowledge about veganism will give you a confidence boost and allow you to better handle many of the questions, comments, or critiques you may receive.
Finding Community
Finding people with similar values to connect with can provide real support and encouragement. There are many vegan and vegetarian organizations where you can find this.
Don’t expect perfection just because it’s a vegan group. As in any group of people, there will be people with whom you connect and those with whom you don’t. Just because someone is vegan does not mean you have to be best friends. Often a formal organization is just a stepping stone to finding a few precious people with whom you choose to build meaningful relationships.
If you can’t find an already existing group, start your own. There are likely other vegans around wishing to find comradeship. Remember, it can be a lot of work to run a full-fledged organization. If your life doesn’t allow for that kind of commitment, you can always stay simple and just organize informal get-togethers. A simple ad in the local paper or health food store announcing a ‘Vegan Potluck and Movie Night – All Are Welcome’ could be an easy way to start.